Anything new in the last year or so?
It’s interesting how many life events can happen in such a short period of time. Since last writing, my family and I have moved states, had two separate medical emergencies, 4 out of 5 of us had covid and I have had two new jobs and dyed my silver hair pink for the month of October, it is still pink even now in November.
The concept of choice has been occupying my mind lately. Not in the political sense but in a very personal way.
For many years I encountered situations dominated by angry or toxic or hostile or down-right mean people and have allowed them to choose my mood for the remainder of the workday, maybe work week, maybe even longer — including personal times. How silly is that?
This wasn’t apparent until last April. I let an extremely dominant person at work determine my mood for the last time — well for the last time of any significant length. This person cared more about being the alpha and being seen and acknowledged as the alpha than they cared about those in their charge. The funny thing is that even as I type this, I can feel my heart beat faster, muscles tightening in my shoulders and neck and my fingers pressing the letters on the keyboard with a bit more authority. But it passed as quickly as it came.
Why give a person that truly doesn’t care that they have this ability a level of control over my moods that I would not allow a person I love and trust to do? This was such a weird concept, but when the realization struck, it was like a cosmic collision.
This isn’t a victim-y situation or a lack of control situation, it’s a realization that mulling, stewing, replaying, reliving, ruminating, rehashing don’t have to be the way it is. I had convinced myself that doing all of the above was a choice, a way to develop armor for the next time such a situation presented itself. It always did. It never worked. A much shorter version is to simply ask what needs to be learned from this situation, learn it, apply it and accept it could happen again and reset my current mood to one of my own choosing. Making the choice for myself to be in a mood of my design isn’t burying or denying the one not chosen, instead I see it as more of an alert for something that needs to be learned and/or accepted. The more I do it, the easier it becomes.
It really is that easy — once I realize that I am not in the mood I would choose for myself. In the end, choosing your mood for yourself is a much more satisfying way to live, even though it’s only been six months, I highly recommend it! You might even choose to remind yourself about the mood you have chosen for yourself by choosing a new hair color!
Survivor Sherpa 