Play today pay tomorrow

Normal daily life. What exactly is normal daily life? I know it when I don’t have it, and don’t necessarily recognize it when I do. During chemo I prayed fervently that this would never become normal. During the normal times I know that I am nowhere near grateful enough.

It takes longer for me to bounce back than it ever has in my life. I had strep throat a few months ago and it took almost a month to feel like I did pre-strep again. I had surgery about a month ago and still don’t feel like my pre-surgery self yet. That is all I am shooting for, just to feel like I did pre issue.

On top of all that are regular activities, girl scouts, soccer, band performances, 4-H, holidays. Each time I participate I go in with the attitude that this is going to be fine. Some of the time it is fine. Some of the time I have to pay for the extra activity, especially now post surgery.

It seems that a person can become hypersensitive to any changes in their body post critical illness. I am that person. I consider things now at a level I never did before. Should I go to the mall with a crowd where people are close and maybe catch something? When I go to a school concert for the girls, where should I sit to not get coughed and sneezed on? Is this sore in my mouth from eating food too hot last night or are the chemo sores coming back?

Should we make a quick run to the grocery store before the school concert and then out for ice cream to celebrate after? Or will that be too much? When is it too much? Why is it too much? That was stuff I did 16 months ago, why is it too much today?

Chemo takes a toll for a while, I will not Google to find how long or why, it just continues to take its toll for a while. I hear radiation is worse. The books I have say it is different for everyone because it depends on your general health and fitness going in, what type of cancer and stage it was in, what medications were given, how long they were taken and so on and so forth.

As an example Wednesday we went to a movie, out to lunch and a doctor’s appointment and Thursday was Thanksgiving where I spent most of the day in the kitchen. Friday and Saturday my body said rest by being nauseous all day, I took it easy. Sunday was getting the girls ready to go back to school after a week off. Monday my body said rest, same nausea, I took it a little easier on my own, everyone else returned to normal activity.

I keep thinking that eleven months out from the last chemo infusion I should be back to my old self. Maybe surgery is harder on me than I think it should be. I would like normal to include working full time and the kids activities on weeknights and fun things on weekends every week. Each day is better than the last, but there are days where I wish it were much better. I am trying not to be greedy, but I would like to do more without having to pay for it so acutely at times.

I take vitamins and supplements daily, drink plenty of water, am strict keto and get in moderate exercise most days and pay attention to what helps and what drains and have lost weight. I can’t help but think that should be enough to get back to pre cancer level of activity or beyond, I am getting there a little bit each day. I sincerely hope that you find what works for you and that you don’t have to pay too much for what seems like normal daily activity.

Published by survivorsherpa

I am a wife and mother to three daughters, a chemist and a breast cancer survivor. I would very much like to help others by caring and advocating for them while sharing my experiences and tips that may help to thrive during and after treatment.

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