Positivity can be a very powerful force. Just as negativity can suck the life out of any situation, positivity can breath energy and life to any situation. There are negatives with a cancer diagnosis, some are predictable, some are like a sucker punch to the gut. Fighting negativity is worth every bit of energy put into it.
Receiving a cancer diagnosis is not cool at all, but it might answer some questions.
I got a Peloton for my birthday in 2017, a little early, it kind of kicked off birthday season that year. It is cool because there is a lot of data to track and trend about yourself. You can watch yourself becoming more fit over time. It is pretty satisfying to watch the effort pay off in real time.
Without warning my metrics started heading in the wrong direction.
I went to see a cardiologist. Not on a random whim, but because my father died from his second massive coronary at 52. I had zero desire to follow in his footsteps.
The cardiologist gave me a clean bill of health, suggested that it wouldn’t hurt to lose weight and get more exercise. I told him about my exercise metrics. His brow furrowed and he assured me that it was not due to my heart. He suggested that I see an ENT or an allergist to see if there is something seasonal going on.
I did just that. The ENT gave me a turbinate reduction, an office procedure that makes it easier to breath through my nose. It was very cool to breath so much easier and I figured that would make a difference on the metrics.
They kept trending down. After about a month I started feeling nauseous after eating for a few hours. I went to see my primary care physician who was concerned but wondered if it would settle down after fully healing from the turbinate reduction. Wait and see. Either it did settle down or I got used to it, either way, things got better–except the stats from the Peloton.
A month or so after that I found the indentation and lump. I immediately jumped to breast cancer as the cause. The worst possible case that I was aware of. While all of this was terrifying, there was a teeny tiny part of me that was relieved that there was something treatable wrong with me and everything was going to get better….eventually.
I really tried to nurture the teeny tiny part, focus on the positive and remind myself that this too shall pass.
Since completing treatment I have been working on getting back to where I was prior to being ill. It is a long road and I sometimes have to fight through the negativity. Sometimes I give in for a little bit and need help to get out of it. The negativity does pass though.
It is nice to see my metrics improve in real time. I feel a little better and a little stronger every day. It is a frustrating that they aren’t getting there faster and it is very frustrating when they go down sometimes, but they come right back up these days.
I don’t know if things will get back to normal or if this is the new normal, but I keep working at it.